The Name's Sue, Mary Sue
by KatZen
Summary: There are many things that could bring International Rescue to its knees. But she never thought it would have been this.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: ****The Thunderbirds do not belong to me. They are the property of Gerry Anderson and his affiliates. No money is made from this. It is purely for enjoyment (but it may not be your cup of tea) purposes.**

**AN: I have always been fascinated with the concept of the Mary Sue. I can see why some readers and writers try to avoid them as much as possible. Used correctly, I think they can be great comedic value. So, I set myself a challenge; write a story with the hallmarks of a Mary Sue OC (based on the litmus test), but with a humourous spin and an unexpected ending. Three years later, this is my response to the self imposed challenge. Not too sure if it worked, especially on the comedy front, but this will probably be a hit or a miss. In no way, shape or form is any of this meant to be taken seriously; my tongue was stapled, super glued, soldered and sticky-taped to my cheek as I planned this out. Hope y'all enjoy, and maybe even have a giggle at it. **

The Name's Sue, Mary Sue

_There are many things that could bring International Rescue to its knees. But she never thought it would have been this._

_0830 hours_

_The Lounge, Tracy Island_

Tin-Tin Kyrano sat on the sofa in a huff. Her arms were crossed tightly over her stomach, pulling her already low cut top further down, revealing the swell of her breasts. Not that any of the boys noticed. Not even Alan, and he always tried to sneak a peek from behind his racing magazine when that happened. The rejection felt like a slap in the face. In fact, Tin-Tin wagered that she could parade around the room stark naked and the boys wouldn't even bat an eyelid in her direction.

_She_ was after their money, or even worse, their secret. Tin-Tin could feel it in her waters. The girl that had hoodwinked everyone but her, and quite possibly Grandma, was no good.

That gold-digging harlot had achieved the impossible. Well, yes, Tin-Tin could understand the boys being taken by her; after all, they were stuck on an island with no female contact for months on end (and, as Gordon had pointed out to her so many times before, they were red blooded Tracy men who had needs that an inflatable woman couldn't satisfy). But it didn't stop her from wishing that Scott, John (who was salivating over her through Thunderbird Five's video link), Virgil, Gordon and Alan would think with their heads instead of their hormones. Mr Tracy, Tin-Tin thought, ought to have shown more restraint, but he was hanging off every word she spoke like she was the Oracle of Delphi or some other divine being. Even Brains had ventured out of the lab, and more surprising that that was that the young genius was smitten with the Island Invader.

That annoying, sugar spun voice broke into her thoughts.

_Stupid, little… _Tin-Tin thought of some more uncharitable words to describe the boys' latest chew toy.

The minx was leaving the lounge area, though, heading towards one of the guest sleeping quarters.

_About time too! You'll stay there, if you're smart enough to know what's good for you, although I highly doubt that! You have the brain capacity of an amoeba!_

"Wow," Virgil sighed dreamily, staring at her back and looking very much like he had fallen head over heels in love. "Did you hear her voice? All high, sweet and sugary? Turns my insides to jelly."

"Did you see her body? I bet her skin is as soft as silk." Gordon's eyes were practically falling out of his head. "Like peaches and cream, with shimmering, silver hair."

"Did you see her eyes? Those emerald green eyes?" John joined in the sighing party. "I don't think I've ever seen anything sparkle so much. Wow… beautiful."

"She smells of vanilla, chocolate and apple pie. Absolutely divine." Scott's head drifted off into Lala Land as he sniffed the air like a hound dog, behaving like he was slightly intoxicated. "Our babies will be smart, beautiful, and smell good too."

Tin-Tin wanted to vomit as they droned on, oblivious to her less than content state. This was too much for her to handle. Not that she was jealous, or anything. It was just that the Charleton was playing them for fools, and that grated on Tin-Tin's already frazzled nerves. Tin-Tin also wondered how many times the boys could use the word 'beautiful' when they described the scheming woman. After hitting double digits, Tin-Tin lost count and vowed to buy them a thesaurus each as a birthday present, so that they could use synonyms when describing the Island Invader.

"You lot are pathetic!" she snapped, finally garnering their attention. "Drooling all over her when you don't even know the first thing about her!"

Jeff seemed to take that under consideration. "But, Tin-Tin, she doesn't know the first thing about herself. How are we expected to know if she doesn't?"

"A-a-amnesia is, uh, a p-particularly hard to, uh, solve," Brains piped up. Now that the interloper had left the room, his stutter had reappeared in his speech, more pronounced than ever before. "We, uh, do not know what will, uh, trigger her memories."

Tin-Tin snorted. Well, wasn't that convenient?

"Her name, then," Tin-Tin scoffed. "She must know that, at the very least."

Gordon shook his head sadly. "Not even that."

"I thought she looked like a Mary," Alan supplied, brain finally kicking into gear to let him string coherent sentences together.

"Really?" Virgil puckered his eyebrows into a frown. "I thought she was more of a Sue."

"Mary!" Alan insisted forcefully, pouting to emphasise his point.

"Sue!" Virgil argued just as fiercely.

"Mary!"

"Sue!"

"Here's an idea," Scott's voice boomed over the argument that was about to break out. "As a temporary name, why don't we call her Mary Sue?"

As Scott's word was law to his younger brothers, the argument was solved and the Island Invader was christened Mary Sue.

"Mary Sue," Alan sighed, much like his brothers had before him. "She's the most beautiful angel I've ever laid eyes on."

"Leered at, more like," Tin-Tin sniped, trying, and failing, to keep jealousy out of her voice.

The cogs turned in Alan's mind, but he eventually worked out why Tin-Tin was so upset.

"Don't worry, honey," he prattled on, unaware that he was about to step on the proverbial land mine. Not even his brothers shaking their head, running and ducking for cover deterred him in his spiel. "You're still pretty. Not beautiful like Mary Sue, but you can still turn heads."

Tin-Tin could only stare at the ignorant twit, mouth agape. That wasn't what he had said last night, when they were wrapped around each other as tightly as a vine. He had told her that she was absolutely perfect in every single way, and that no one else would ever compare to her. Huh. How things changed over the space of a morning.

"Oh yeah?" Tin-Tin snarled, jabbing a pointy fingernail straight into Alan's chest. "I've got news for you, buddy boy; she is way out of your league."

With her final words spoken, Tin-Tin tornadoed her way out of the lounge, wishing that the Sun had remained sleeping instead of rising, wishing that Mr Tracy had left Mary Sue out on the beach to shrivel up like a prune on the beach instead of bringing her in like a stray cat.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: see chapter one**

Chapter Two

_0700 hours_

_Southern Beach, Tracy Island._

Jeff lived for mornings like this one. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, and there wasn't a cloud in the sky. His early morning report from John had shown that there was absolutely nothing to worry about, and the few business documents he had to look over had already been read and summarised for him by Scott. Not surprising, since they were coming from the aeronautical division, and Scott had worked his way up the ranks to become Head of Department. All Jeff had to do was read the summaries, devise a cost-benefit analysis on each project and sign off on the projects he deemed were worth investing in.

Still, plenty of time in the day for that. Right now, he was going to enjoy his leisurely stroll along the beach, with waves lapping at his ankles. The wind breezed through his grey hair, and Jeff knew that all was right in his world.

A little further up the beach, he saw a lump on the sand. It struck him as odd; there had never been seaweed bundles on the Southern Beach; they usually ended up nearer the cove, which was on the other side of the island.

A second glance told him that it was, in fact, a person, not a seaweed bundle. Jeff picked up the pace and scurried over towards the person, paging Scott while he moved. Jeff knew that Scott ran on the beaches early in the morning, and he was hoping to catch Scott for some assistance.

The sand squeaked as Jeff knelt down beside the unconscious person.

_Uh oh. This is not good. Not good at all. Look at her, she's slightly dehydrated. I wonder how long she's been out here. Scott, hurry the hell up and get here. She needs to be in Sick Bay. Now!_

The unconscious person stirred as Jeff shook her shoulder. She let out a pitiful groan before her emerald green snapped open and she squinted up at Jeff.

"Ma'am," Jeff began uncertainly. Where the hell was Scott? Jeff hadn't had to deal with a semi-conscious, mildly attractive woman in her twenties in a long time. Not since Lucille… Jeff pushed the thoughts and the memories away, unwilling to let them overwhelm him at such a crucial time. "Can you hear me?"

The woman nodded, hair matted with sand granules that shone in the sun.

"What happened to you?"

There was a blank look on her face, no comprehension of her situation whatsoever. "I don't know."

That may have been a tricky question to start with, Jeff conceded. It was time to move to something easier.

"What's your name?"

Another blank stare. She stared helplessly into Jeff's grey eyes. "I don't know."

Yep, Jeff's initial assessment of the situation was right; this was not good at all.

"C'mon, let's get you out of here," Jeff muttered, holding out a hand to her. Scott hadn't turned up, and it was better that they headed to Sick Bay as soon as possible. With any luck, Scott would meet them halfway there and be able to lend a hand. "Do you think you can stand?"

"I…I can try."

She wavered on her feet for a grand total of two milliseconds before fainting dramatically into Jeff's lax arms.

_Great,_ Jeff groused internally, _this is great. Not only do I have to read summaries, draw up cost-benefit analysis for various innovations, I also have to carry a half conscious woman back to my home. What's the point of having five personal slaves if they won't help out when needed?_

The scent of vanilla, chocolate and apple pie wafted over on the breeze, emanating from the woman in his arms, soothing his temper and lowering his sky-high blood pressure.

So his day had taken an unfavourable turn, but it wasn't a total loss. Still, nose to the grindstone, wheels to turn, and all that jazz he had to get on with. Another glance down at the woman cradled in his arms.

He had an unusual, uneasy feeling about this one.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: see chapter one**

Chapter Three

_0900 hours_

_Grandma's kitchen, Tracy Island_

Josephine Tracy was uneasy. Something was very unusual this early in the morning. Normally when she had this feeling, it was because Gordon was planning a prank. But she had seen neither hide nor hair of her lovable fourth grandson. Come to think of it, she hadn't seen any of them, not even Scott. That was most unusual; Josie had to fight to keep Scott from the delectable sweets in the fridge early in the morning, especially when he was ravenous after his run.

Oh, wait, here was someone.

Tin-Tin.

Not the person Josie was expecting, but she would take what she was given. Perhaps her honorary granddaughter could shed some light on this morning.

"Is everything all right, dear?" Josie placed a comforting hand on the younger woman's shoulder. No doubt there had been another fight with Alan. Josie wondered what had set them off this time, but she knew that it wasn't any of her business. If Tin-Tin wanted to confide in her, she would, but in her own time.

"No," Tin-Tin pouted. "If they choose to slobber over her like she's the Second Coming, that's their business. I want no part of it. They can humiliate themselves and make fools of themselves and I will point and laugh at them when realisation finally hits them like a ton of bricks."

By 'they', Josie could correctly assume Tin-Tin was referring to her grandsons. By 'her'… well, Josie was stumped at that.

"Mary Sue this, and Mary Sue that. Mary Sue's the greatest thing since sliced bread," Tin-Tin mocked as she squashed a banana in her hand, rolling her eyes exasperatedly. All at once, Josie understood.

"Not another one!" she all but yelled, slapping her wooden spoon down on the counter, hair flying out of her bun. "When will those floozies learn that they are not getting their greedy little mitts on my son or grandsons?! I won't allow it! I hope she's not trying to pull the 'Long Lost Daughter' card! That's an insult in itself! As if my son would willingly lose his child! And Lucille would never give up one of her babies; she fought tooth and nail to protect them from the horrors of this world!"

Tin-Tin almost let out a giggle at seeing the five foot nothing woman fly into a fury, but she knew that laughing at this time would send her on nothing but cold sandwiches for a month. Not something Tin-Tin particularly wanted.

"No, not as such. This one's claiming to have amnesia after her plane crashed in the ocean and she capsized her life boat and ended up washed up on our shores," Tin-Tin clarified.

Josie snorted. Amnesia, give her a break. Did Mary Sue really expect anyone to believe that? That was so far-fetched it bordered on ridiculous. Who would have such a string of bad luck? No, as far as Josie was concerned, it was a blatant lie.

"And the boys have fallen for this again?! And now they're mooning around like love sick puppies? Can they not see beyond her strange hair and eye colour?"

Tin-Tin nodded sombrely. "It's sad when men are so shallow that they can't see beyond personal appearance."

Alan's jibe was clearly playing on Tin-Tin's mind, and it wasn't something she could forgive in a hurry. It wasn't something she was likely to forget either.

"When will those boys of mine ever learn?!" Josie's scowl deepened as she reached behind her and untied her apron. Placing the item on a hook, and checking that all the cooking appliances had been turned off, so that she didn't inadvertently start a fire, Josie marched out of the kitchen with her head held high. As the ranking member of the family, she was going to sort this out, once and for all. "Jefferson and his love sick horde can fend for themselves today. Come along, Tin-Tin, we have some planning to do."

As the duo sidled off to Josie Tracy's living quarters, Josie wondered if Brains knew of any method that would turn a dormant volcano into an active one.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: see chapter one**

**AN: A little later than the self imposed deadline for this chapter, but I was away from the internet over the past week. Whale tracking with a research group meant that I was on the water for that time, and water + non-water resistant electronic devices = potential disaster. **

**Thank you to everyone that's read and reviewed, and I hope you like the next chapter.**

Chapter Four

_0940 hours_

_Brains' Lab, Tracy Island_

Brains was puzzled. Something that didn't happen often to the man whose IQ was so high, it couldn't be measured accurately. He couldn't quite believe the impact Mary Sue had had on him and in such a short period of time too. His insides liquefied when he heard her voice, his knees went weak when he saw her and butterflies rampaged around in his tummy when he had physical contact with her, when he had to examine her in Sick Bay. There was something about Mary Sue that made her intoxicating. As the brothers had pointed out before, everything about her was absolutely perfect, right down to her hair, her eyes, even her scent that was, well, in essence, quite cloying.

Not that she would ever look his way, not with the Tracy boys also taken with her, Brains concluded.

Actually, that would be a good thing. Brains' one true love was Science. His calling was with International Rescue. He didn't have time to waste on preening, flirting and dating. Nor did he feel that he had the confidence to pull it off successfully. Not to mention the fact that about five minutes after he left her presence, he felt like he had reverted back to what passed for normal.

Impressing members of the fairer sex was best left to Scott, John (when he was dirtside), Virgil, Gordon and Alan, although that could be a recipe for disaster, based on past experience. When the entire International Rescue clan had moved out to the Island for the first time, Brains could remember stumbling over the three eldest brothers squabbling over a stuffed teddy bear given to them by their mother, with Scott pulling one arm, Virgil pulling the other and John tugging with all his might on the teddy bear's legs until it had been stretched out of shape and was horribly mangled. In the end, Jeff had confiscated the toy, but Scott, Virgil and John had sulked at each other for the remainder of the week.

It was inevitable that another fight would ensue over Mary Sue, and Brains was certain that the end result would not be pretty. After all, Mary Sue was a real female, with real arms and legs.

From the bench top, one of the consoles beeped, alerting Brains to an incoming call from Thunderbird Five.

"Brains," John's voice came through the speaker, somewhat tinny, riddled with static. Raiding his radio to scrounge for spare parts for his experiments had seemed like a good idea at the time, but now Brains was beginning to regret that decision.

"Brains, we need to talk. It's important."

"W-w-what can I, uh, do for you, uh, John?"

"It's about Mary Sue."

There was silence. Brains waited for John to continue without prompting, but he didn't. Or so Brains thought.

"They _all_ like her and it's driving me barmy, but not in the way I thought it would."

The conversation had definitely taken an uncomfortable turn.

"I'm flipping out, but not as much as would if I actually gave two damns about her. Know what I mean?"

The honest answer would have been for Brains to shake his head, disconnect and carry on with his own projects, allowing John to work this one out on his own. Sadly, the honest answer was not the right answer, and as John's friend (well, Brains hoped so – understanding social interactions wasn't his forte), the right answer would be the one that was most appreciated.

Brains simply nodded, smiled and agreed with John.

"And the weirdest part? After she left, I felt back to normal. I don't get my reaction, and that's making me freak out. I'm just…" John raked a hand through his peroxide forelock. "I'm very confused."

Well, that made two of them. But what John had mentioned had gotten the cogs turning in Brains' mind. Perhaps Mary Sue had compromised them in some way, but then Brains began to wonder why Tin-Tin hadn't been affected by it. It was definitely something that warranted further investigation.

Needing to put his friend at ease (although he doubted his theory would do that - after all, who really wanted to know that they may have been poisoned?), Brains told John of his suspicions.

The blond furrowed his brow. "That is worth following up because this could have undue consequences for International Rescue. Let me know what the results are. John, out."

The link between the two dissolved into static. Brains swivelled once in his chair; the blue prints for the new sonic drive to the Mole caught his eye. John was absolutely right – with the men of International Rescue vulnerable with Mary Sue's presence, it was imperative that Brains found a solution to the problem. He didn't want Scott, Virgil, Gordon and Alan returning home after a rescue injured, or worse, not returning home at all, thanks to the effects of Mary Sue. The Tracys were the closest thing Brains knew as family, and he was not about to let anything ruin that.

_No time like the present, Hackenbacker. Better start thinking._

Tin-Tin seemed like a good place to start. Pushing a button on his communications console, Brains cleared his throat.

"Brains, uh, calling Tin-Tin."

Tin-Tin's voice filtered through the speakers. "Go ahead, Brains."

"I, er, I am conducting, uh, an experiment, and I, uh, require your, uh, assistance, if you would be so kind."

There was a hesitant pause.

"Does this have to do with Mary Sue?"

"Uh, yes."

Another pause. Tin-Tin actually seemed to be deliberating over the request, which irked Brains. Under normal circumstances, he would not have been facing this inquisition; Tin-Tin would have been down in his lab in the blink of an eye.

"Does it involve needles?"

"Uh, yes," Brains stammered out. Well, there really was no need to tell Tin-Tin that the needles being used were not for Mary Sue, but actually to collect samples of her blood… yet.

The responding voice was too sweet, too saccharine. Tin-Tin was planning something that had to do with the needles, and it seemed that Mary Sue was her intended victim. "I'll be right down, Brains."


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: see chapter one**

Chapter Five

_1040 hours_

_Northern Hangers, Tracy Island_

Sweat dripped down his back, down his brow and the brown haired pilot wiped a hand across his face, trying to ease his discomfort. Not that he was complaining; restoring old planes a hobby that Scott wouldn't give up, not for anything. Sure, the process involved a lot of toil and labour, but the end result was worth it. With the Embraer jet he was patching up, Scott was planning on letting the bird stretch her wings over the ocean.

_Just to test her handling. And also because Dad asked me to verify the plane crash story, just in case._

Thinking about flying over the ocean jolted Scott's memory. Mary Sue had ended up washed up from the ocean after her plane crashed and her life raft had capsized. A catastrophe like that meant that there was bound to be some wreckage to support her tale. Maybe even seeing the waves and potential crash site would help jog her memory. Of course, it had nothing to do with the fact that flying would leave Scott and Mary Sue alone for at least two hours, with absolutely no interruption from pesky little brothers or a surrogate, albeit jealous, sister.

Hmm, Mary Sue. Something about her excited Scott, but he was cautious of her as well. She looked harmless, with silver hair that shimmied as she moved, eyes that were like liquid pools and her fragrance that was so delicious. But was she really like that? It was a niggling thought at the back of Scott's mind. Who really knew was a person was like, underneath the façade that was projected to others?

His head was telling him to proceed with caution, but Scott knew that sometimes his head was wrong. His gut (a more accurate measure of his instinct) was not providing much useful information; it was telling him he was hungry. Probably because he was thinking about Mary Sue and how she smelled of apple pie, vanilla and chocolate, all rolled into one tasty treat.

Ugh, he couldn't think straight when he was hungry. It was definitely time to head back to the villa to stock up on food supplies and tell Jeff that he and Mary Sue were going for a spin in the air.

* * *

_1045 hours_

_The Lounge, Tracy Island_

Papers piled on papers, which were piled on a mountain of more papers. Jeff had underestimated how much reading and signing he had to do. Pulling off his gold rimmed reading glasses, and pressing at the points where the nose pads had rubbed against his skin, Jeff heaved out a sigh. He could feel a nice writer's cramp forming in his wrist.

_I knew I should have invested in that rubber stamp for a signature instead of insisting on physically signing documents._

He needed a distraction. Jeff found himself wishing for a distress call so that International Rescue could launch into action. The secondary thought was that that wish was selfish; other people's suffering was not a good remedy for his own boredom. The last thought that flitted through his mind was that launching the 'Birds would have been extremely hard with Mary Sue on the island. Normally when guests came, Tin-Tin would distract them with the infamous water mamba, but Jeff had the distinct feeling that the young Malaysian woman wouldn't go near Mary Sue, not even if there was a ten foot gap between them.

Jeff needn't have worried for a rescue; loud cursing in a foreign language was distraction enough. Tin-Tin had stomped her way out of the elevator, rubbing furiously at the crook in her elbow. She was causing enough racket for Josie to step out of her kitchen to see what the noise was.

Although Jeff had never learnt Malay fluently, he had been associated with Kyrano and Tin-Tin long enough to pick up a few words. Something about Brains tricking her, and jabbing her with more needles than a voodoo doll, that lying, conniving… well, the rest of it was unrepeatable.

Jeff sighed again. He needed another distraction. Hopefully one that was in a better temper than Tin-Tin was. Luckily for him, Scott bounded through the sliding glass doors, munching on an apple.

"Dad, I've had an idea," he began without preamble. "I think it would be a good idea to take Mary Sue up with me when I go check out the crash site. It may trigger some sort of flashback."

"Yes, that is a good idea," Josie butted in, leaving no room for Jeff to disagree. Josie needed Mary Sue to be off the island before she gathered all her Earth-bound grandsons and son together to lecture them about the perils of strange women. "Tin-Tin will go with you too, won't you, dear?"

It was more of a statement than a question, but Tin-Tin still tried to protest her way out of it. Josie sympathised with Tin-Tin, but she wasn't going to relent.

"Tin-Tin, I need you up there with Scott, just in case. Haven't you noticed how the menfolk slowly revert back to normal once they're out of that con woman's presence?"

Based on her recent encounter with Brains, Tin-Tin had to concede that Josie was right.

"Besides," Josie continued, raising her voice so Scott could hear it as well. "I know my grandson has joined the Mile High Club. I need you there to make sure that he doesn't renew his membership up there with Mary Sue. A pregnant amnesiac is the last thing we need."

"Grandma!" Scott choked out, colour high on his cheeks. "You really think I'd do that?"

"No, dear, not with Tin-Tin present."

"Scott, Mother is right. Tin-Tin will go with you." Scott looked all set to argue, but Jeff held up a forestalling hand. "No, Scott, if you have an engine failure up there, or your flaps don't extend when you come in for a landing, Tin-Tin will be there to assist you and make sure that the three of you make it back in one piece. Remember, Mary Sue's not a trained pilot; Tin-Tin is."

Tin-Tin nodded and thrust her head up, frozen in a stance that clearly screamed _take that, Scott!_

Scott crushed the apple in his hand. "Fine. Tin-Tin, you go start the pre-flight checks. I'll go get Mary Sue."

"What time will you be back, son?" Jeff called out.

"Barring any emergency call out, we should be back in about two hours."

Jeff nodded and dismissed them with a flick of his head. Time to get back to the paper work.


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: see chapter one**

Chapter Six

_1125 hours_

_Virgil's Art Studio, Tracy Island_

The painting needed more green. Of that much Virgil was certain. Come to think of it, it also needed some more silver. Other than that, the portrait was finished. The final touches he was about to put on would move the portrait from finished to complete; to Virgil, there was a difference between the two.

A splash of paint here, a daub of paint there, and it was done. Virgil took a few steps back to admire his piece of art. A frown marred his face; he had not intended to have painted a portrait of Mary Sue. Instead, he had wanted to paint a more abstract piece, incorporating elements of Cubism in there. How had Mary Sue infiltrated his mind?

_Still, can't change it. Now just focus on what you've done._

The more he stared at his portrait, the more unhappy he became. It wasn't what he wanted, and it wasn't perfect. The picture hadn't captured Mary Sue's essence at all. The eyes were too dull, cheeks were far too chubby and hair not nearly shiny or silvery enough.

Flicking through his sketch pad, Virgil wondered why he was so fixated on Mary Sue. Almost every sketch he had done had Mary Sue somewhere in the background. Some of them depicted a more frightening picture – one where Mary Sue and Virgil were coupled together, both in formal wear with miniature handcuffs on the fourth finger of their left hand. _That_ terrified Virgil shitless.

Being fixated on a person wasn't normal for him; instead, Virgil was sure that this bordered on being slightly stalker-ish, and that didn't sit well with him. Falling head over heels in love with a person he knew nothing about was not something he did – that was Gordon and Alan (or even Scott - but only if the girl was his type - now that Virgil thought back on his brothers' history with girls) forte.

There was something seriously wrong with Virgil, and that worried him.

Not that he had time to dwell on it now, for his grandmother had just barged her way into the art studio and let out a shriek of horror as she saw Virgil's masterpiece.

"Right!" she snapped, pulling Virgil's art apron off and dragging him out of the room by the earlobe. "Enough is enough!"

"Ow, ow, ow!" Virgil yelled, struggling to free himself from his grandmother's vice like grip. "Grams, that hurts!"

"I don't know what that little vixen has done to you, but you are to stop this behaviour right now! There will be no chocolate molten cake for you if you disobey!" Josie hoped that that threat would be enough to snap Virgil out of whatever spell he was under.

"Grams, I'm just as perplexed as you!"

That revelation caused Josie to stumble.

"You… you are?"

"Yes, Grams," Virgil nodded vigorously to prove his point. Begrudgingly, his eyes darted back to the portrait. "You and I know it's not usual for me to sit and moon around over something I know I can't have. That's Alan's job."

Virgil twiddled with his thumbs, anxious about something. "Why am I so worked up about her? She's not even my type!"

Relief flooded through Josie when she heard that; if Virgil could acknowledge that, then they were halfway to a solution.

"Go see Brains," Josie ordered her third grandson. "He may have a solution for this… affliction of yours."

Virgil was about to protest that he wasn't afflicted with anything, but then his brain kicked into gear. If he was honest, he had been planning on seeing Brains anyway. Although he very much doubted it, Virgil had been wondering if Mary Sue had slipped him something to make him absolutely besotted with her. Virgil had the suspicions, and Brains had the technology to either prove or disprove his theory. The idea of being under the influence of a drug without his consent sent shivers up Virgil's spine. Heaven forbid he was called out on a rescue while he was potentially drugged. Who knew what could happen then?

Virgil nodded in agreement, ripped the nightmarish portrait off the easel and headed to the door. Next stop, Brains' lab, but not before Virgil incinerated the incriminating evidence of his fixation with the interloper with a blast from Thunderbird Two's engines.


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: see chapter one**

Chapter Seven

_1140 hours_

_Somewhere over the Pacific Ocean_

The engines hummed idly in the background as Scott banked the plane to the right. Beside him, Tin-Tin peered out of the window, over the top of her aviator shades. The ocean sparkled invitingly below them. What she wouldn't give to open the door and push Mary Sue out of there (preferably with cement shoes on) and out of their lives. Not that she would vocalise that thought – Scott was likely to push her out of the airlock too, if Tin-Tin managed to put her diabolical plan into action.

"When I was in grade 3," Scott began, sighing deeply as he levelled of the plane. "My teacher told me that I had to get on with my creative writing instead of staring aimlessly out of a window. She told me that no one would pay me to do that when I was a grown up. Every time I'm up here, I think, how wrong was she?"

Tin-Tin smiled indulgently at the memory. When Scott and Virgil were teaching her how to fly, their lessons were often coloured with little anecdotes from the boys' life before they had met.

"Time to look out of a window, then, Scott," Tin-Tin reminded him why he was up here.

Mary Sue's story checked out; there was enough evidence to suggest a plane crash in the ocean. The door of the plane bounced on the waves, half the tail had floated to the surface, and luggage littered the ocean. One wing had been shorn off, and streaks of fuel glistened on the water under the sun.

"Mary Sue? Take a look out of the window. Is there anything you recognise?"

Tin-Tin scrutinised the woman as she peered out of the window.

"I don't know," Mary Sue replied as she unstrapped her seatbelt and moved towards Scott, sounding as unsure as a pathetic, helpless child. "Maybe… I remember feeling panicked, and then the plane lurched and we just got faster and faster and faster and then we hit the ocean! It was terrifying!" She ended on a wail as she flung her arms around Scott and through the art of gymnastics, managed to climb onto his lap without disturbing any of the flight controls and sobbed into his shoulder.

Scott winced as he felt her body weight slam into his. At any other time, he wouldn't have minded an incredibly attractive woman in his lap, but when he was in control of a plane, (and in sore need of a visit to the men's room – her hip bone was pressing uncomfortably into his rather full bladder), it was more than a little disconcerting. Even her intoxicating scent wasn't calming him down as much as he thought it would. Instead, the smell of vanilla, chocolate and apple pie was making him hungry.

_Help me_, Scott mouthed to Tin-Tin, who was unhelpfully laughing at him from behind her hand.

Tin-Tin shook her head and kept her hands on the yoke of the plane. With Scott having his hands full, it was up to her to monitor the flight. Besides, Scott (along with Alan and the others) was drooling all over her earlier; this was full circle to have her slobber over him. Revenge was sweet.

Eventually, the hysterical harlot managed to calm herself down and untangled herself from the Tracy heir. "I'm sorry," she sniffed, wiping her eyes and smearing her already smudged mascara down her cheeks. "I didn't mean to break down completely.

Inwardly, Tin-Tin smirked. With mascara dripping down her cheek, eye shadow that travelled off her eyelids and foundation that was streaked with tear tracks that showed bright red cheeks, Mary Sue was not as pretty as she had once been. When they got home, Alan would definitely be able to see what a state Mary Sue was in and divert his attention back onto Tin-Tin, a fact that the raven haired woman delighted in.

"That's okay," Scott said as he stood up and stretched out his body. "It's a perfectly normal reaction to a traumatic event. Tin, you've got control of the plane?"

Tin-Tin nodded, eyes following Scott as he moved to the cockpit door. "Where are you going?"

Scott tilted his head to one side. "I've been housebroken for twenty plus years. I'm not changing that now."

"_Don't_ leave me alone with her!" Tin-Tin growled, a dark warning lacing her tone. "Scott, there's a theory out there that says that it only takes 50 pounds of pressure to castrate the human male. You leave me alone with her, and you'll find out if that theory's true."

"Tin-Tin, you'll be fine. Mary Sue's a person; just talk to her."

Tin-Tin stared at Scott as though he was speaking a foreign language before shooting Mary Sue a filthy look.

"By talk, I mean talk, not rip her hair out."

"If by hair, you mean the peroxide job gone wrong and those cheap extensions," she rejoined sweetly.

If there was any response to that, Scott couldn't think of one, so he just turned around and walked away. Tin-Tin waited until the door had closed behind him before she rounded on Mary Sue.

"Listen," Tin-Tin growled again, jabbing Mary Sue in the chest with a manicured talon. "I don't know who the hell you think you are – oh, that's right, you don't know either – but you keep your dirty, greedy little mitts to yourself. Alan is my man, not yours, and don't you forget it!"

Mary Sue looked completely bewildered by the attack.

"Don't give me that deer-in-the-headlight look; I'm sure you've already worked out which island you've crashed, and if you haven't, a Google search could help you out there."

Mary Sue opened her mouth, but Tin-Tin cut her off.

"No! You are not to insinuate yourself with one or more of the men I'm lucky enough to think of as older brothers! You are not to worm your way into their lives permanently! If you try, I and Grandma Tracy will stop you at every turn!"

Mary Sue tried to speak again, but Tin-Tin wasn't having any of it.

"I don't know what you've done to them, but believe me, when I figure it out, I will take great delight in kicking your ass off Tracy Island from one of the cliff edges, and letting the sharks get you!"

Mary Sue bristled and narrowed her eyes, scowling in such a way that made her appear even uglier to Tin-Tin. "Are you threatening me? I may not know much about myself, but I don't take kindly to being threatened. Threaten me again, and I won't be held responsible for my actions. I should warn you, I know Origami!"

"You know paper folding?! Oh, I'm so scared!" Tin-Tin laughed sarcastically before sobering up. "Well, don't consider this a threat; it's a warning. Back off, or _I_ won't be held responsible for my actions!"

The door to the cockpit slid open again, and Scott settled back into his seat. "Nice to see you're both alive," he quipped. "Tin-Tin, well done on not scratching her eyes out. See, that wasn't so hard, was it?"

The man was completely and utterly oblivious to the heated exchange that had happened moments before, and it was clear that neither Tin-Tin or Mary Sue were going to enlighten him to it, as they just smiled at him.

"Well, mission accomplished," Scott sighed, banking the plane in a 180 degree turn. "Time to head back."


End file.
